By Susan Granger
Special to WestportNow
Perhaps the best that can be said about the cringe-worthy rom-com “Mother’s Day” is that octogenarian Garry Marshall has assured his continuing Academy membership by staying ‘active’ in an industry that could all-too-soon forget he once directed hits like “Pretty Woman,” “Runaway Bride,” “Beaches” and “The Princess Diaries,” along with creating TV’s “Happy Days” and “Laverne & Shirley.”
Following “Valentine’s Day” (2010) and “New Year’s Eve” (2011), Marshall’s star-studded holiday franchise now includes this treacly ensemble tribute to motherhood in its various suburban permutations.
Perennially perky Sandy (Jennifer Aniston) is a divorcee with two sons whose ex-husband (Timothy Olyphant) has just married his much-younger girlfriend (Shay Mitchell). It’s a foregone conclusion that Sandy will end up with widower Bradley (Jason Sudeikis), father of teenage daughters, whose military wife (Jennifer Garner) died in combat in Afghanistan.
Jesse (Kate Hudson) and her sister are estranged from their prejudiced/homophobic mother (Margo Martindale) and father (Robert Pine). Unbeknownst to their parents, Jesse’s married to Russell (Aasif Mandvi), whose family came from India, while Gabi (Sarah Vhalke) has a lesbian spouse (Cameron Esposito).
Then there’s Kristin (Britt Robertson), who discovers that her birth mother, who gave her up for adoption a newborn, is super-successful Miranda (Julia Roberts, wearing a bizarre red wig), who hawks ‘mood pendants’ on the Home Shopping Network.
Scripted by Tom Hines, Anya Kochoff-Romano and Matthew Walker from a story by Lily Hollander, the sappy, sentimental, intertwining narratives are disjointed and the various vignettes are not only formulaic but utterly predictable, including an excursion to the ER and the runaway RV.
While it’s fun to see Hector Elizondo again (he’s always in Garry Marshall’s movies), the most spontaneous moments occur during the ‘blooper’ credits, as Jennifer Aniston calls Julia Roberts “Julia,” not “Miranda,” and Roberts stares vacantly out a train window.
On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, “Mother’s Day” is a confectionary 4. Mom deserves better.
Voiced by “The Matrix” star, “Keanu” is the tiny gray-and-white kitten that serves as the linchpin in an extended sketch by TV’s Comedy Central favorites Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele.
As Keanu’s story begins, he’s scooting out of a drug-lab shootout, miraculously winding up on the doorstep of pot-puffing slacker Rell Williams (Peele), who’s depressed after being dumped by his girl-friend. With the approval of his uptight best friend/cousin Clarence (Key), Rell adopts the fluffy feline, naming him Keanu, which he thinks is Hawaiian for “cool breeze.”
When Keanu disappears after a break-in, Rell’s stoner neighbor Hulka (Will Forte) steers them to a seedy Los Angeles strip club, Hot Party Vixens, the headquarters of the notorious 17th Street Blips (“the ones who got kicked out of the Bloods and Crips”), run by kingpin Cheddar (rapper Method Man), who has not only abducted Keanu but also re-named him New Jack, decking him out in a do-rag and bling.
In order to ingratiate themselves with Cheddar, nerdy, soft-spoken Rell and Clarence pass themselves off as street thugs called Tectonic and Shark Tank – and their gangsta impersonations poke fun at racial stereotypes.
To get their cat back, they’re sent on a mission to deliver drugs to the Hollywood home of a maniacal movie star (Anna Faris), accompanied by Cheddar’s surly accomplice Hi-C (Tiffany Haddish). Not surprisingly, there are unexpected complications – with a nod to Clarence’s giddy passion for pop singer George Michael.
Lackadaisically scripted by Jordan Peele with his longtime TV writing partner Alex Rubens, it’s episodically directed by “Key & Peele” show veteran Peter Atencio. And credit the cat-wranglers who juggled seven different tabbies in the title role.
On the Granger Gauge, “Keanu” is a subtly absurdist 6, purring with subversive satire.
Based on the popular PlayStation video game, “Ratchet & Clank” basically reprises “Escape From Planet Earth” and/or “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer,” revolving around galactic heroes, a menacing mega-weapon and a bunch of aliens voiced by celebrities.
Rocket mechanic Ratchet (James Arnold Taylor) is a Lombax, a sort of feline/squirrel, while his brainy, pint-sized buddy is Clank (voiced by David Kaye), a mellifluous, good-hearted robot whom Ratchet saved from the junkyard. (Think WALL-E or R2D2).
Ratchet yearns to join an elite group called the Galactic Rangers (voiced by Rosario Dawson, Jim Ward, Bella Thorne, Dean Redman), led by egotistical, lantern-jawed Captain Qwark (voiced by Jim Ward).
His chance comes when he’s forced to defend his home, along with all the other planets in the Solana Galaxy, from destruction by a sinister Blarg, Chairman Drek (voiced by Paul Giamatti), and his cohorts: ruthless Victor Von Ion (voiced by Sylvester Stallone) and ex-Ranger mad scientist sidekick, Dr. Nefarious (voiced by Armin Shimerman).
Scripted by the game’s writer T.J. Fixman, along with Kevin Munroe and Gerry Swallow, it’s frantically directed by Munroe and Jericca Cleland, who use blaring sound and blinding color to distract from the unassailable conclusion that the medi7a-melding, underdog plot is stale, the dialogue is blandly generic and, despite the pop culture hashtags, there’s no audience interaction.
On the Granger Gauge, “Ratchet & Clank” is a derivative, tacky 3. Don’t bother.
( Editor’s Note: Westport resident Susan Granger grew up in Hollywood, studied journalism with Pierre Salinger at Mills College, and graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with highest honors in journalism. In addition to writing for newspapers and magazines, she has been on radio/television as an anchorwoman and movie/drama critic for many years. See her reviews at www.susangranger.com.)
