Thursday, June 05, 2003
Martha Humor: Shes Recruiting Westport Look-Alikes to Take Fall for Her
With Martha StewartҒs latest insider-scandal troubles, the comedians and satirists are keeping busy. One reports she was seen recruiting look-alikes on Westports Main Street.
The Borowitzreport.com Web site tells readers that intelligence sources said ғIt is Ms. Stewart’s hope, according to those sources, to find someone who looks enough like her to take the fall for her in an eventual criminal trial.
ԔMs. Stewart was seen driving what some called a terrifying-looking Hummerђ down the streets of Westport, Connecticut yesterday, apparently on the lookout for preppy middle-aged bottle-blondes who could fill in for her in the witness box, the report said.
ԔAccording to eyewitnesses, the embattled CEO pulled at least 20 such women off the street, sometimes grabbing them as they were on their way into Starbucks or Talbots.
“She appears to be having a great deal of success in finding these look-alikes, because half the women in Westport look like Martha Stewart already,Ғ” one intelligence source said.
Jay Leno on NBC said: “I was watching ‘America’s Most Wanted’ last nignt—no, that was ‘Martha Stewart Living.’” And: “Martha showed up at prison with her new boyfriend—Sammy Sosa.”
Also: “Martha Stewart had an interesting show this morning. She showed her viewers how to make bail.”